2008

Perfidy and Outrage!

Malibu Beach Parking Lot, Point Lookout,...

Shirtless youth, fesigner sunglasses: Yo baby! I think you're cute.
Female parking attendant: (ignores him)
Sunglasses: NOT GONNA LIE! I think you're really cute!
Attendant: (keeps walking)
Sunglasses: Hey! Ya hear me!?
Attendant: Um, thanks?
Sunglasses: Baby the things I'd do to you if you didn't have a boyfriend. I mean, I don't know if you have a boyfriend.
(silence)
Sunglasses: I just assumed you did.
Attendant: (keeps walking)

She walks in beauty, like the night Of...

Ways to Behave in Public, Part VI: Don’t Wear...

From The Mailbag

Eyyyyyyyy,Ron I know your good at figuring out shit so here’s my porblem. Im at the butcher...

Ron and Tony’s Fashion Corner: The Summer ‘08...

A Brief Introduction To Riding A...

Though many subway riders may consider themselves versed in general train etiquette, comparatively...

LIRR, Westbound Hempstead Train,...

Leather jacket: (anxiously) I still don't undastand why we're not goin to Richie's party.
Leather pants: Bro, for the last time, the tricks going to that party are way too smart. We wouldn't get ANY action.
Leather jacket: Oh...yeah, ya right.

HANDSOME SANDWICH2 to 3 servings Combine on dance floor: 2...

Ron and Tony’s Fashion Corner Factory distressed...

Ron Konkoma’s Guide to Parenting in New...

You Are A Snowflake As a parent, it’s safe to say that you are better than those without children,...

Penn Station, LIRR Terminal, Saturday,...

Violinist: (to seated man) Is there something you’d like to hear?
Seated man: (thinks for a minute) Cold Mountain.
Violinist: I’m sorry?
Seated man: Cold Mountain. You know, with Nicole Kidman? It’s got a violin song.
Violinist: Oh. ...I’m sorry, I don’t think I know that one.
Seated man: (thinks again) What about Cradle of Filth?
Violinist: Crater of...?
Seated man: Cradle of Filth. They’re a metal band. Sometimes they have a violin.
(silence)
Seated man: But mostly they just yell.
Violinist: Oh. ...I know Yesterday, by the Beatles. Would you like to hear Yesterday?
Seated man: (dejectedly) No.
Violinist: No? (priming background music) Well, this is an aria by Puccini—it’s really quite beautiful; I think you’ll like it.
Seated man: (gets up, walks to Cinnabon)

Ways to Behave in Public, Part V: The Melaninny The man for...

Ron and Tony’s Fashion Corner Whether you’re...

Thanks, Joey Tots!

Many thanks to reader Joey Tots. Interested pleasure-seekers can further explore both Dave and...

Classy Places To Take Your Date So As To...

Dear Ron and Tony, Sup? So my girl Janine and me didn’t get into Posh the other night but I...

Ways to Behave in Public, Part IV: The Courtly Dance April...

Ron and Tony’s Fashion Corner New for Spring...

Driving In and Around New York: A...

Whenever possible, pass on the right. Speed limits apply only to women and the...

Ways To Behave In Public, Part III: Mimicking the Byzantine...

How To Ride the Long Island Rail Road...

Part I: Silence ISN’T Golden Face it: the things you do are interesting—almost criminally so—and...

From Ron Konkoma’s Mailbag

Yo Ron, so last night I picked up this bangin’ chick at a club and then we boned for like ten hours...

Thanks, Tommy D!

Tommy D’s recommendation can be further explored here.

Classy Places To Take Your Date So As To...

From the Readership: Dear Ron and Tony, Three words: Grand Lux Cafe. It’s Egyptian or somethin...

Ways To Behave In Public, Part II: Tasteful Event...

Ways to Behave in Public, Part I Give everyone the finger,...

Babylon Train - Thursday, March 6, 2008...

Apparently Off-Duty Mailman: (On phone, menacingly) . . . so I told her, 'You don't clean up that spill, I'm a gon' straight-up CHOKE you.'
Guidos: (adjacent seat, giggling)
Mailman: . . . and she's all like, 'You wouldn't talk to yo' mommy dat way.'
Guidos: (giggling)
Mailman: . . . and I told her, 'don't TALK to me 'bout my family. You don't know NUFFIN 'bout my family.'
Guidos: (giggling louder)
Mailman: . . . I don't TALK to my family. When we get together, we don't talk or nuffin. We just sit dea. TALK! Like we a fuckin' TV show or somethin'? God DAMN!
Guidos: (laughing, texting each other)
Mailman: (Glowers at guidos)
Guidos: (blanch, silently exit train together)

I invented the Louisiana Purchase :( 

SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL (Excerpted from The Virtual Tourist, Long...

Though seemingly benign, the wholesale and unapologetic...

Listen

Penn Station Dunkin Donuts, 11 pm, April...

Clear Heels: Antny, this ain't the way to Tequila Sunrise. Are we goin' to Tequila Sunrise? Antny? ANTNY!
Vertically Striped Shirt: No.
Clear Heels: Well why ain't we goin'?
Vertically Striped Shirt: Cause I don't wanna talk to ya fat skank friend Marcy.
Clear Heels: Ya treat me like garbage, ya know that?
Vertically Striped Shirt: Not now, babe; we're in New York City.

PBA

Guido Tales Being a Series of Vignettes Part the First The Long Island Railroad, a crowded...

Listen

“Like the guido, the guidette’s beauty is defined in...”
— http://www.washingtonpost.com/w...